FAREWELL, DADDY.....

March 18, 2019

I was flying again. This time with mom and my aunt both recently widowed. My aunt on her maiden foreign trip and my mom on her second trip to Dubai, this time without dad. She was in a tensed mood 2 days before the flight and was weeping and delaying even when the cab came to pick us up. We reached the airport well before time, finished the formalities and waited at the gate. We were busy talking to ourselves that I didn't observe much of what was happening around me. At the boarding announcement, we got into our flight. The business class was empty and we were just 2 rows after the business class. I was sandwiched between my aunt in the window seat and my mom in the aisle. We switched off the mobiles and were ready for the air hostess to begin her routine. But absolutely no trace of her or the pilots announcement. Just then a young girl of 20 years sprung up from the seat behind and rushed to the front. Mom and I commented that she might be asking for changing her seat from economy to business as the seats were empty. I nudged my mom to go as well. She preferred to sit with us. In a short while a security guard came over and was checking our cabin baggage. He was pointing out to each baggage and asking whose was it. My imagination galloped... was it a bomb scare or some terrorist group on the flight. Just then the voice of the pilot boomed. A co passenger had just received the news of the demise of her father a few seconds before the doors closed and she had deplaned. Her luggage needed to be identified and deplaned as well and the pilot implored all the passengers to be considerate on humanitarian grounds for the untoward delay. We were all shocked and saddened by the news. The girl whom we thought was going to enjoy in the business class was actually running out of the plane after hearing the tragic news. My mom's eyes moistened and we prayed for the girls family and for the departed soul to rest in peace.

Memories of another day flooded my thoughts. My dear friend who was posted in a station next to mine, called me one day to say that her dad was very serious and she was taking the next train home. I was on my shift and wished her dad a speedy recovery. After a few hours I contacted her station manager to check about her departure...these were the days before mobile phones. I was shocked and angry when they informed that the news received was of her father's demise and they didn't break the tragic news to her as she had to travel a long way. I lost my temper and forgot that I was speaking to my senior and burst at him accusing him of inhuman behaviour in letting her travel all the way alone. I could have accompanied my friend and been with her through that time. My friend reached home the next day and was shattered. I remember still how she broke down when I called her.

Mom and I were thinking at regular intervals during our flight of the girl who was to travel with us to Dubai.

I remembered an advice from a friend when I traveled for my dad's surgery to Chennai. She told me to stay with dad a few days after the surgery, nurse him at home before flying back to Dubai. I asked her why she insisted and she narrated her story. A few years ago she traveled to Mumbai as her dad was very sick . They had to take her dad to a hospital in Trichur all the way from Mumbai for a surgery. The details of the illness or why they couldn't get it done in Mumbai - I didn't interrupt her with doubts. The surgery was successful and her dad was discharged and sent back to Mumbai by road in a hospital ambulance. She took a flight back to Dubai from Cochin. As she landed she received the news of her father's demise. She felt she shouldn't have left her dad and maybe this wouldn't have happened. Poor girl she sort of blames herself and doesn't want to believe that no one can stay a second longer than Gods will on this earth.

The flight journey I took with my husband last year going back home after my Dad passed away, crying all the way thinking of ways to survive without my dad, how many endearing terms he used to address me, his constant concern and protective shield around me, how he waits at the gate to receive me puffing his cigarette, the secret looks we shared when mom admonishes us for something or the other .....the many conversations that I would never have with him again run in my mind....
when will I meet you again daddy?!

My dad was waiting to see me, holding on to life. His health was deteriorating. The cancer was spreading fast. I was to fly on the 15th of Jan by the 3pm flight. On 14 when we spoke he said he just wanted to see me and once I am home all will be well. Little did I know that would be my last conversation with dad. On the morning of 15th he breathed his last, didn't wait for me, no farewell given, maybe he didn't want me to suffer with the image of him breathing his last and that to be embedded in my memory forever, didn't want to inconvenience my flight plans.